Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
