My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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