I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
