I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Bring me that man meat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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