I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
