Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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