i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
