Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
