Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
