Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
