at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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