He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
