I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
