Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
