I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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