Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
