someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
