out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
