he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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