end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
