you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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