I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
