Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
