so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
