DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
