if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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