i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
