dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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