Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
