she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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