I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
