Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
