Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my liver is dry heaving
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
