mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My balls are so social today.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
