I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
