I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You're like the curious george of whores
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
