Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
