i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm both gender and math confused
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
