so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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