Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
