We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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