He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he thought i was a dude.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
