you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
