I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
