Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
