I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
