he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
