My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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