Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize