I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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