well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
