Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
