He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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