i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize