If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
