I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
