WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize