Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
