I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
this will be a night to untag.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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