This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
