she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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