just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
