Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
