Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
