id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish there were birth control emojis
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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