I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
